WELLINGTON—Holding a press conference from the kitchen of a sunny flat on The Terrace, the nation’s houseplants confirmed Wednesday that pots are, in fact, their pants. “Yes, the pots we sit in are the botanical equivalent of pants,” said the nation’s official spokesplant, a Pilea peperomioides called “Natalie”, confirming the news on behalf of the entire kingdom Plantae after decades of rampant speculation among humans. “We heard your questions and just wanted to quickly clear this up for you. Basically, different pots are different styles—big, tall pots are like high-waisted pants for us, whereas smaller ones are like low-rise jeans. If we get bigger and gain weight, then we need bigger pants, just like you. And yes, we’re shirtless 99.9% of the time.” But Natalie quickly added that they need the pants (pots) because they don’t want to expose their roots (genitals).
Peas.